A Very Jumbled Slapdash Mess of Thoughts About The Best Place on Earth

I went to Glastonbury Festival and I am so sorry to be doing this.

Wednesday 25th June - 1:30am

That was the time of my coach to Heathrow. I arrived an hour and a half early. Seat pre-booked. Everything on time. Couldn’t wait. Coach arrives. Load up bags. Set off. Can’t Sleep. Too excited. We arrive at Heathrow. Two hour wait for the next bus. That was an admin mistake. But we move on. We keep spirits high. I got a coffee. Ordered a pastry. They didn’t have the pastry so they gave me two other pastries for the price of one. Already we are chocking up wins. Coach arrives. We’re nearly there.

Load up bags. Set off. Man puts his child sized bag next to my seat which I move into the isle once departed. Seat free next to me for the whole journey. Another win. Manage to get some sleep. Wake up to see Stone Henge. Even from a coach window it’s beautiful. Asleep again. Wake up and we’re turning into the gates. I can see the city of tents. I can see the hills. I can see the pyramid. I have returned to my favourite place.

I then queued for an hour which was a bit of a hit but part of the journey. Me and the guy next to me talk throughout. I recommend he go see Amyl and the Snifflers. I hope he did. Take an extended walk to my campsite. I forgot how steep the hill to get there was. Find my spot. Drop my bags. Pop that tent up. Crack open a Thatchers 0. Just sit for a bit. Take a stroll round the site. Lasted a lot longer than I thought it would. Legs aching. Step number piling up. But don’t stop. Keep looking round. Tents popping up left and right. I take a seat near the pyramid and people watch. I hear a group of friends telling their mate to stop acting like they’re too cool for Noah Kahaan. I start humming Stick Season.

I meet up with my brother and his girlfriend. We talk in the fields then wander them for a bit. They're doing a circus thing near the Pyramid tonight. Um and Ar about going to see it. No licence for music on a Wednesday so will be a silent circus. The idea of that interests me more than I thought it would. More wandering. We go back to the Pyramid and take our spots but I feel the vibe aint there. No silent circus tonight. More wandering. I go to the South East Corner. Jump up and down with a security guard and shout ‘Let’s Go, Let’s Go!’ I see a drag queen dance on a bus shaped like a bug. I turn into a pub that’s got a Karaoke. See a girl absolutely smash Don’t Look Back in Anger. Start my journey back to the tent. Important not to get rest for the first night. I see fireworks start shooting up from by sides of me. Get back to the tent. Grounds hard and bumpy and tents to hot. Wouldn’t change a thing.

Thursday 26th June

Up at 5am. See the busiest places and they’re so quiet. It’s beautiful. More wandering. Walk through a treetop walkway and see a guy making a snake out of sticks and leaves. See a statue made of lost keys from last year. Walk up the Park. There’s a pier on land with pinball machines but don’t have change. Buy a stick of rock for my brother. Head back up to the Woods and take a seat. See a travelling family called Tengger. Playing quite beautiful drone music. The mum walks around people in the crowd waving a scarf. Stay at this stage for a bit. Too hot. See Daisy Rickman play some beautiful ambient folk. Watch Gwenno in a fabulous dress play some of the best Cornish/Welsh tracks around. Wander down to the circus fields. People trapezing. Kids learning to balance on ropes. People on stilts. There’s a lady in Crooners Corner singing Kate Nash which I belt with her for a bit. Wander back to Shangri-La. Watch a drag show called Browntown Abby that’s joyful. On another stage there’s a rumba band I dance with. See a punk artists who I interviewed for my dissertation doing Ska. Meet up with my brother again. Wander around a Stone Henge model made of Cars. Send a postcard. Told to write something off the cuff. Panic. Wrote Happy Birthday. Take a walk over to Silver Hayes. Levels is Full. Seek Alternatives.

Wander back up to Park. There’s a newsreader doing a Drum N Base set. It slaps. Am there for an hour. Wander over to a group of people singing Blur - Song 2 with a robot. Would have stayed longer but there was man singing the Hercules soundtrack next door. Back for more News Reader Beats. Meet back up with the gang. Stand outside the BBC studio watching Antony Szmerick. He’s far away so we can’t hear him. A crowd gathers with us. More wandering. Step into Glasto Latino. Dance but hips don’t have that Latin rhythm. Can only apologise for that. Back over to the circus fields. We hoo-la with neon hoops. Again lack of rhythm limits me here but can get a good swing on my arm. More wandering. Dance to some trance. Back to the circus. A group of men in power ranger costumes spin a wheel with genres on it and plays songs of the corresponding genre. Unlike 2023 there’s no Christmas tracks this time. Sorry Mariah. Legs are aching. It’s 2am. Back to the tent.

Friday 27th June

Up early again. Sit next to the stage Lorde will be doing a “secret” set on. Crowds already gathering two hours before. Decide to check out one of my other favourites. Make a pilgrimage over to the Park for Horsegirl. Wait around in some shade while an others do Yoga in a tent next to me. I’m wearing Denim shorts so not confident to stretch with them. Horsegirl are great. Nice and smooth way to start the day. Wander down a hill for CA7RIEL & PACO AMOROSO. I’m surrounded by Argentinians. We all have the best time. I swing by the Pyramid to see a bit of CMAT. Here crowd is so massive I got a bit weepy looking at it. Then I’m in Woodsies watching Fat Dog. One band I need to listen too more of. I shuffle on in once they finish to get to front of stage for Shed Seven. The Hawes family’s favourite band. They smash it out the park and the crowd was great. I hope this means big things for them.

Another trek to get to West Holts for the end of Vieux Farka Toure. The vibes were immaculate down the front. In a key position for En Vogue. They started great but did a twenty minute medley of other peoples song that dimmed the vibe somewhat. Trust in your back catalogue girls! I stuck to this stage for Denzel Curry but ate a Duck Warp in between sets which did affect my mosh ability. After him I’m back up at the Park seeing the end of Wunderhorse sounding hard as all hell. I manoeuvre in for Self Esteem. Slap bang at the front. She’s just the best. I’m in tears from song one and never felt so happy. I stay put at Park for Anohni and the Johnsons. She’s someone form of wizard that one. A whole crowd stunned into silence. Listening to every single word. softly crying at every other. Wander down to convene with the gang. We stand amid an Indie Disco that started too eclectic. Give us your Jaime T. Give us your Bloc Party. Please give us Artic Monkeys. After brief teases the crowd gets appeased. I lose my voice during Disco 2000. Would be rude if I didn't. Legs aching. It’s 2am. Back to tent.

Saturday 28th June

Up early again. Lack of sleep is getting too me. I wander down to the circus again to boost morale. I see a kid stack 20 crates on a harness like a pro. The 50 year that follows only musters a mere 17. Pathetic. A man is walking around holding a suitcase with a question mark on his head. He asks if I have any questions. I should have asked something deep but could only muster “Should I see Weezer or Jade?”. We chat about The Blue Album and shake hands. I grab an Ice coffee. Take a stand at West Holts for Infinity Song. Listened to a few of their songs on the Glasto playlist. Thought they’d be worth a watch and they blew me away. I stood in a crowd of hundreds discover a band they will now all love. Please listen to them, you won’t regret it. I skip out of there and take a stand near the front of the pyramid and watch the end of Kaiser Chiefs. I miss Ruby but get The Angry Mob which I settled for. Managed to get right to front for Brandi Carlisle. I chat with a Mexican lad about John Fogerty and Mexico City. Brandi was amazing. Hearing The Story live was a true moment. Another slick exit towards the Other stage for the end of Beabadoobee. I heard Beaches which was nice. Get a prime position for Weezer. One of the most fun sets I saw all weekend. Followed by heartbreak.

News spreads around the crowd like wildflower. Deftones have cancelled. Skepta to replace. They were my number one of the weekend. My plan to stay at Other stage till they come on is thrown into chaos. I look deeply at my clash finder. Do I stay put? Do I go up to Woodsies for TV on the Radio who I saw a few weeks ago and loved? Do I go see Pulp who I also saw a few weeks ago and loved? Or? Do I go do the Gary Numan/Haim double header? Never seen Gary. Both times Ive seen Haim the sound was bad and I was too far away. Now’s the perfect chance to catch them both right at the front. I march up to the park trying not to get Back to School (mini maggot) out of my head. Need to shake the funk. Arrive for the end of Pa Salieu. He sounded great. Get a front of stage spot for Gary. I’ve loved Gary for ages. Some of the greatest electric songs ever written. However. He’s now an emo rocker. Me and seemingly most others in the crowd, weren’t fully aware of this. What followed was a goth rock set with a few electronic bangers chucked in with new guitar heavy arrangements. Im both confused, sad and somewhat entertained. I think. Maybe not. It finishes. I look at my phone. TV ON THE RADIO STEAL THE WEEKEND. I stop looking at my phone. Bloody Numan.

Haim up next. They re-lift the spirits. A girl gets on my shoulders for Summer Girl. Carry them with ease for I am an Essex Beef Cake. Take the long walk back to my tent to clean myself up and get ready for Scissor Sisters. Will stand outside the tent as Tom Odell finishes up. Turns out though, Tom Odell is a lot bigger than I thought. And he’s shut down the stage. Others have gotten their first and it’s looking incredibly rammed pre-Scissor. Decide to bolt. Can’t be asked to be slowly moving through the crowd while so much else is happening. Find myself back at Other Stage. Get a decent spot for Charli XCX. Become the official photographer for three sets of friendship groups. JJ Abrams walks past. I fist pump him and call him a legend. He says the same to me. We’re pals. A family walks past me. A son. A daughter. A dad. And a Mum. Who was Mel C. Two young ones ask “who that lady is?”. “Spice Girl” I whisper down to them. Charli was great, cause of course she was. No Lorde which cut deep. I’ve already lost Deftones and Scissor Sisters, you didn’t need to sit this one out girl. I leave just before the end to shout Rockin’ in the Free World at Neil young. He sounded incredible. Night is still young. Everyone seems to go to Arcadia. I go to the Circus. There’s a giant turtle roaming the field playing YMCA and Love Train. I jump around with strangers and join a conga. I high five everyone who walks past it. I go deeper into the field. There’s a Nirvana tribute band fronted by Elvis. It’s 1am and I join a wall of death to Smells Like Teen Spirt. What was left of my voice, gets destroyed by Lithium. It’s 2am and my knees are buggered. I head back to the tent. Take a stop by a stage playing ambient noise and lie there for a bit. The funk of losing Deftones has subsided.

Sunday 29th June

Up early. Again. Battery packs have died. Head to the Vodafone stall to charge up. High five the volunteers. Chat to a pregnant lady about what it’s like doing a festival sober. I head over to the Pyramid. Settle in for The Selecter. I skank with mums and dads and am giddy throughout. Wander over to Other. Walk past every Arsenal fan leaving Louis Dunfford. Have some disappointing pasta and watch Nadine Shah. My fifth time seeing her. Second this year. Still able to blow me away. Onto more wandering. Quick samba lesson in Glasto Latina. Hips are getting there. Another sojourn to the circus fields to see weird shit. A taxi car that doesn’t go anywhere but you can get in and get out whenever you like. A group of nurses wearing blown up faces. Life guards telling strollers not to bomb. Take a quick look at the Pyramid as the Libertines are coming on. Get drawn back towards the Other to watch Shaboozey. Turns out he’s a laugh and seemed to love everyone in the crowd. Good News is a banger. Move further in as the crowds dissipate. Get a great spot for Turnstile. I meet an American in a cowboy hat who keeps asking if Im ready to Mosh. Yes I say. Yes I am. Turnstile were everything I wanted to be and more. Never have I been in a crowd who are having such a good time listening to some of the heaviest tunes about. The last walk up to the Park Stage begins. I take a spot for Kae Tempest. Saw them last year and it was spell binding, happy to see them again to ensure I get a good spot for Future Islands. But this was one of the best things I’ve ever seen. A performer at the top of his game. A crowd moving from tears to dancing seamlessly. Tied with Turnstile for set of the weekend.

Next up. The band that I dreamed of being on the line up since getting tickets. Future Islands. One of the best live acts going today. I could watch Sam Herring enact the shipping forecast and he would make it a dynamite experience. We arrive at our finale. I reconvene with my brother who nervously watched Wolf Alice wondering if he can get a guaranteed spot for our final act. The Maccabees. No problem getting a good spot. Banger after banger. And they brought out Florence and the Machine to sing Dogs Days are Over. Just for a laugh. They finished as the sun was setting and I couldn’t think of anything more perfect. We walked down the hill with the rest of the crowd. All of us trying to get in to the back of The Prodigy to see them do Smack My Bitch Up. I waved off my brother as headed out early. Even caught Olivia Rodrigo do Good 4 U and Get Him Back! Then had a final wander. Back through the circus fields. I blow a kiss to the disco turtle. Walk past Greenpeace. Wilkinson is doing a dj set I slip into for a bit. Up towards the stone circle. Camp first everywhere. I sit with a group of strangers. Look out to the site. Though quickly leave as realise everyone is blowing up balloons which was sorting ruining my vibe. Back through the Park. Walk into a tiny tent where shin dig is just starting. Get lulled away by an another tent playing Spice Girls followed by Kylie. Would be rude to turn away from that. It’s 1.30 am. Legs are really hurting now. I make my final journey back to tent. There’s no festival in the world where you can watch The Selector. Snow Patrol. En Vogue. Wet Leg. Lewis Capaldi. Pulp. Overmono. Turnstile. All in one weekend. The most magic of all magical places.

189020 steps

4 portions of cheesy chips

Two massive crumpets

Too many hours on coaches

The best weekend. In the best place. With the best people. I’m gutted there’s a fallow. But bring on 2027.